Water On The Brain

I don't fucking believe this.

According to today's news, the Mayor has decided to do something about the impending threat that the use of bottled water poses to City finances.

Yes. That's Right. Rather than push forward Civil Service Reform, rather than following up waste and pilferage at MUNI, rather than going after the police overtime racket, rather than any other sensible, meaningful, and lasting measure to control City expenditures on an institutional level, our Mayor is going after the pernicious use of bottled water, after the truly groundbreaking exposure of this highly important issue in the City's leading and most relevant newspaper, the Chronicle.

The chronology goes rather like this: Last friday, the Chron ran this story on its front page. Yes, that's right. In a city of over 750,000 residents and a million stakeholders, with important issues emerging and evolving every day, the Chronicle runs a front page story on... bottled water. Then some enterprising flack from Brita, manufacturer of the highly useful home water filters, gets in on the act. They issue a press release (which the Chronicle runs a story on) offering the City free filters, in order to flack their product.

And now, of course, Mayor Gavin Newsdriven promises to explore dealing with this life-threatening hemorrhage of half a million dollars out of the $5 BILLION City budget (now, repeat after me: a billion is one thousand million. A billion is one thousand million. A billion is one thousand million. Thank you.) by seeing if it would be cheaper to bottle and internally distribute our own water (uh-huh. everyone who has run a business knows that is really is cheaper to bottle your own water. Didn't we try that already?).

Of course, it's pretty clear that the Chronicle is appealing to base public sentiment about public spending: you know, "they're wasting our tax dollars on Fiji water from the hotel mini-bar when they could just drink tap water. After all, isn't our tap water the best in the world, like Candied Swan Shit or something?" And indeed, the whole concept of selling water in bottles is a routine target for scorn by various cranks.

Thing is, though: business ettiquette exists in government like in any other field. If you're having a meeting, you serve water. Is it cheaper or more convenient to serve bottled water, or have City employees do water service, in pitchers? What about the energy and maintenance costs of drinking fountains?

Not so clear cut, is it? Especially when the supposed paper of record runs a front page story on something that takes up on one-thousandth of the City budget.

Bronstein needs an enema. So, apparently does Newsom.

Discussion on The Wall Forum